The most blatantly demotivating experience I’ve had occurred while I was visiting colleges for undergrad. I was looking to stay in state, so I had applied to the three in state schools. When I went to visit each school, I had to visit the colleges of engineering and fine arts, since I wanted to pursue dual degrees in piano performance and computer engineering. Upon hearing this, the representatives at two of the schools showed enthusiasm for my plan and willingness to help me overcome hurdles like conflicting times for required classes.
Unfortunately, I had a very different experience at the third university. The representative for the engineering department, while not demotivational, showed no willingness to help me with the bureaucratic hassles that would be associated with my unique plan. The music school was much worse, however. The representative was convinced that dual degrees in performance and engineering would be too hard for me. Instead of merely failing to receive any assistance for such a challenge, I was told repeatedly that I should at the very least step down from pursuing a bachelor of music to a more generic bachelor of arts in piano. Anything my parents or I said to indicate that we were aware of the challenge and desired to pursue it anyway was met with explanations of how naïve we were and more ideas for dropping or watering down the music degree.
Needless to say, I went to a different school and successfully completed the dual degrees I set out to get. I’m willing to entertain the possibility that the music representative had experience with prospective students coming in with grand dreams they weren’t prepared to complete. However, the sheer arrogance in discounting all the careful consideration that had gone into my plans resulted in me scratching that school off the list almost instantly.
I think the representative could have laid out the potential challenges we may not have considered and offered some alternative paths, but still at least entertain the idea that I had thought about my plan and was very motivated to complete it. Upon hearing my response, the appropriate thing to do was not to convince me that I didn’t mean what I was saying, but offer me advice and support for my course.
If I had bitten off more than I could chew I would have had enough trust in the representative/advisor to go back and reevaluate my plans. If, as it turned out, I was up to the task, the school would have a story of a student “beating the odds” to be proud of.