I have always been an avid learner and in grade school I especially loved science classes. So I was thrilled when, in my senior year of college, I received an invitation from my 7th grade science teacher to visit her class and present on what I was studying. (She was a great teacher and I had great memories of her class.) My interests at that moment of college were in environmental architecture, with an emphasis on ecological approaches to waste-water treatment and reuse. Of course, I wasn’t an expert, but there was a solid scientific angle and I knew I could speak on this with enthusiasm.
This happened 21 years ago, and what I remember to this day was how terrifically vulnerable and ineffective I felt in that classroom. I’m pretty sure I didn’t read the audience correctly, but I’m also confident that the children were unruly, disruptive, and generally disrespectful. I left the room convinced that I had no classroom management instincts (false) and that I would never teach children again (true, so far).
The teacher was upset with students during the class and I think surprised and embarrassed by their behavior. But we never corresponded after that. To this day, I’ve been comfortable addressing adults, but never comfortable addressing anyone in high-school or younger. I have had several opportunities and I’ve taken some and they’ve worked out better, but not enough to forget my aversion.
What could have helped:
If the teacher had reached out to me, and we could have debriefed – even if it was just to say that that didn’t go well, things might not have scarred over quite the same way. Now, I really thought that she (as the teacher of the class) would handle classroom management, so I didn’t feel like I (as a guest presenter) had done a particularly bad job, but I walked away discouraged. In truth, either one of us could have reached out to the other, but neither did, so I have a memory of being discouraged and unsure, and not much redemption since.